Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Survival of the Sneakiest

I think it's fair to say that one of the biggest things a college student thinks about is food. As a college student, I can say that at least 5 times a day I think about when or what I should eat, and often I consider how far away the buffet on campus is (you know, the one they have at every major campus). If it's a bad day, I'll avoid walking the 5 minute walk to the buffet and munch on something I have in my dorm. One day, my mom mentioned stealing food from the buffet to bring back to my dorm for later. At first I thought it was a bad idea-- how would I be able to do it in a way that wasn't obvious?? And why would the employees let me do that right under their nose? Besides, i'd walk in with a bag that's empty and walk out with a bag that's full!

One day, I recruited Woof to steal with me, because I was tired of going to the buffet when I didn't feel like it, and I didn't have any more ramen in the dorm. We stole almost 20 sandwiches and a gazillion cookies. Over the course of this semester, we've stolen food for a chocolate fondue night, whole meals of their best food to heat up later, and more sandwiches than I can count. My initial sneakiness concerns turned out to be not a big deal-- the employees don't like their job, and thus don't bother trying to save their company money. I've been seen putting food into a tupperware container, and they just looked away. I just ate my last sandwich from the last raid and I thought I would share with you my tactics for getting the most good food out of the buffet without getting the manager's attention.

  1. Bring a Backup: Woof and I usually take turns putting things in the bag, the other one watching out for someone who might bust us.
  2. Bring a variety of containers: We have baggies, Portioned meal containers, big square containers, little square containers, and one huge square container. Each type has a different purpose, and they all come in handy-- ESPECIALLY the baggies.
  3. Bring a big bag: Preferably the type that you get at any university event or just a re-useable grocery bag. And don't bring a white one, especially, because there's a good chance something will leak and stain it. Also, white is a little easier to see through. You also want this bag to be old, so it's not too stiff to be held close to your body when you make your exit. You don't want anyone seeing into your doggie bag.
  4. Eat, pack, and go: You don't want to have stuff in the bag next to you for longer than you have to. Lessen the amount of time you have to get caught. The lesser employees don't care what you're doing as long as you're trying to look sneaky. They probably won't bother you if you're not being obvious about the fact that you're taking food. When You leave, hold the top of the bag together with your arm like you would if it were likely to fall off of your shoulder. Even better if it does fall off your shoulder. You want to look natural. Say goodbye to the person at the front if they address you, but act like you're in a hurry. They're less likely to stop someone who is on their way to something and looks like they're rushing, because those people are more likely to get nasty. Keep the bag on the opposite side of the person who is at the entrance, they're less likely to see it that way

Those are all the tips I can give a college student considering stealing from the campus buffet. Hopefully you have as much success as Woof and I do!

Love always,

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